


To Wash It All Away

by xDinahQueenx



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F, Mentions of alcoholism, implied infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 21:33:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDinahQueenx/pseuds/xDinahQueenx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It had been easier back then, too. They'd covered for one another; they had been partners. Alex had lied for her, deflected investigation. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Wash It All Away

There were more reasons, below the surface, why there had been so much friction. Alex could remember them like it was yesterday, though the Amerithrax case was now years in the past. They'd changed and they'd grown and it was _different_ now. She'd heard the rumors, the BAU gossip mill, and the truth was it was easy to get Penelope talking. If Penelope thought it was weird, she never mentioned, as Alex sometimes sought her out during slow days and asked her questions.   
  
Found out information.   
  
Penelope knew everything that went on in the BAU, so it was easy to get to know the things she'd needed.   
  
It had been easier back then, too. They'd covered for one another; they had been _partners_. Alex had lied for her, deflected investigation.   
  
She had known that Erin had had a problem; Alex did her best to keep her safe in the field and keep their unit chief from finding out. Alex had been there, as Erin's marriage had fallen apart due to her drinking. Had tried to get her away from the bottle and… it hadn't worked but.   
  
That night.   
  
_She had been so drunk, slamming back shots while Alex tried to stop her. At the very least she had stayed to keep her safe, keep men off of her. Erin was beautiful. Alex had brushed her hair from her face and tried to get her to slow down. She'd put her hand on Erin's wrist.  
  
It'd stop her for a moment. But never long enough.   
  
That night.   
  
When her divorce papers had been served, on the tail end of a difficult case, and they were at this shady little bar. Alex kept her drinking to a minimum as the waitress eyed Erin with a frown as she ordered drink after drink—mixing cocktails and shots. Alex hated watching Erin destroy herself.   
  
"I don't want to be alone," Erin told her, far into her cups, and Alex thought about James waiting at home because he was not out of town for the first time in a while. She told herself it'd only be for an hour or two.  
  
"I'll stay with you," Alex said, "It's alright, Erin."_   
  
_She'd never come home that night. Alex never regretted it except for the point where she felt she'd taken advantage of Erin; but she'd been lonely and they'd_ both _been drunk._  
  
So Penelope had told her—that Erin had gone to AA, how she'd been sober for almost a year. And Alex… she was glad. Glad that Erin had gotten her life back straightened out. She should forgive her—the decisions she'd made… well, she couldn't be _entirely_ responsible for them.  
  
Alex sat at her desk, sometimes, and stared at Erin's closed office door. Watched her as she spoke with Aaron or Dave on the upper level outside her office door. Remembered what it was like—smooth legs beneath her pantyhose, the feel of them against Alex's own.   
  
The smell of lilies on her perfume and some different flower in her shampoo. Remembered how soft her skin was, how her lips had felt. Such a juxtaposition of the serious woman she'd become, and all the bitterness that still remained between them.   
  
She wanted to make it right.   
  
Maybe Erin would want to make amends. Or…   
  
Alex didn't know. The next time she saw Aaron, Alex slid from behind her desk and followed her to her office. Her heart raced and it was… it wasn't awkward. It was just still so many memories that she wasn't entirely ready to face. She knocked and then stepped in, resting her hand on the door.   
  
"Erin, do you have a minute?" Alex asked. Erin looked up and Alex's breath caught because she was still so beautiful, heartbreakingly beautiful.   
  
"Of course," Erin said, gesturing for her to sit, and Alex closed the door behind her. She didn't know what to say, so she reached across the desk instead, and took Erin's hands in her own. Erin looked at her again their eyes met and Alex smiled.  
  
"I've missed you," Alex said. And Erin smiled. A little wide, maybe a little sad and then she shifted, laced their fingers together. She did look genuinely surprised, however, despite being pleased. Alex knew that it didn't seem like she wouldn't have missed her, but she had, and seeing Erin like this, getting better well… it was nice.   
  
It brought her comfort. It brought her joy.   
  
She kept Erin's hands in her own, stroking over her knuckles with her thumbs.   
  
"We should go out later, for… dinner, lunch, wdessert and coffee, whatever. And just catch up, it's been too long." Alex said.   
  
Erin nodded, "I'd like that, Alex," Erin said, a more genuine smile, maybe almost shy, except that wasn't really how Erin was. Alex squeezed her hands.   
  
"I'll swing by when I'm done with my paperwork," Alex promised. And she finally let go. Erin drew her hands back and Alex stood.   
  
"I'll see you in a few hours," Alex said, and Erin nodded in agreement. Alex breathed a sigh of relief and, didn't regret, when she sent James a text and let him know that she wouldn't be able to make it home tonight. 


End file.
